If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
this boner is exhausting
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.