I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.