He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool