I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize