Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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