He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
