we're blogging at a bar
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
