she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
