if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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