he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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