This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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