omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Need sex. Gaining weight.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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