dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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