help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
