We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
