Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
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I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
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hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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