If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
