I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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