i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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