and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
