he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.