people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?