i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.