guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies