I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.