Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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