You're my little dorito
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
