My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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