Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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