Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
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You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
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The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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