if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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