I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
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It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
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Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"