wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You can't motorboat a personality
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left