i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.