If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
