6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
