Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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