Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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