And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize