I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
