how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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