this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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