I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize