Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize