so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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