If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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