Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
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