$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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