Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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