It's Friday. Sex?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize