I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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