Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
