you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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