the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i drank out of a bidet.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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