I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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