New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
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Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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