hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
