can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
