my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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