Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
